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Saturday, 07 November 2009

randomly depressed :(

don't know since when that we started arguing a lot. A LOT...
i really tried to make things work again
but im really tired of all the fighting and making up
maybe i should just let go...
sad to lose a friend, but what's the point of holding on if it's not even friendly between us anymore?
there are some peaceful moments, but still...so dry so cold so different from what we had
i kinda just don't care anymore...for self protection

i can't relate to those heartbreaking songs like i did last quarter anymore cuz now that idc
life is a lot happier
but it's always good to know where your heart is
and you do when it aches

P.S.
i write blogs when i think a lot
i usually think when im depressed
so yea...im not emo like this all the time haha
even though my blogs sounded/will sound pretty depressing :)

Saturday, 31 October 2009

i have been running away

in a circle

just to realize that

now im back to where i was

not any smarter :(

Friday, 10 July 2009

随别写写

感觉要用中文写写了，很多字都忘了。回来这么久一直在逛，都没有做什么有意义的事呢，就跟其他假期一样，越来越懒了。
明天是mi的生日。很久以前说好每个生日都一起过的，但就像其他憧憬一样，我们又失信了。明天只有我和mi，其他的人都来不了了。
现在感觉跟很多在美国的人都失去了联系。中国好像是另一个世界。在美国时的喜怒哀乐现在已经都不那没重要了。其实大学也只是人生中短暂的一站。曾经那么拼命地复习、考试，其实都没有必要，因为在社会上还有很多很多要学的事。
只是为了写写中文而写，并没有什么特别想说的。嗯，去吃东西了。

Saturday, 13 June 2009

yay

I start a blog like almost every year cuz i always get lazy and stop updating them after awhile. oh well ...i decide to do a serious one this time cuz im going back to china :) and there has been too many thoughts going on that i need to write them down. so yeah let's see how long this blog can last...

So first year of college is over! a lot has happened in such a short time~ i have changed a lot, in ways that i never thought i would change into. however, there r things that never change---PROCRASTINATION :(...anyways, this is nothing new. u probably already know it if u know me. but who cares lol! im on vacation!! there's nothing to procrastinate about, so yay!!

surprisingly, i like ucsd. i didn't really like it at first cuz it's not as excited as i thought college would be, but i definitely learned a lot about life here (more than i learned about chem haha). there r moments that touch me deeply and make me feel like crying, well mainly cuz of the ppl. honestly, there r few ppl that i didn't like at first cuz i felt they r creepy and awkward, but i start to get comfortable with them after awhile cuz they r just always there for me. i feel really selfish to always receiving and not giving back. sometimes, i wish they r not as nice to me cuz their niceness become a pressure to me. hm...maybe im just worrying too much. i need to open up more. anyways, i feel really happy to make other ppl happy, and im not saying that cuz that's what some book says, i really do feel that way. however, im really bad at making ppl happy...like i really tried to make this one person happy, but i always end up pissing him off and it's hopeless to do anything cuz it will just make things worse and i don't understand y things turn out the way they r. i feel like a useless person. also in chem, i know how to do it, but i just don't know how to explain it. this makes me seem selfish and totally useless to other ppl. so yeah i think ima apply for chem tutor next quarter to force myself a little...

ok, so here's the to do list for this summer in China (as always... but i might just end up not doing it like the previous summers) so let's just call it suggestions for the summer:

1. get ready for the visa interview by figuring out my major/career plan and trying to act innocent, harmless and totally not a terrorist. haha the second part shouldn't be hard ;)
2. spend time with family and meet my two little nephews for the first time:]
3. reconnect with my elementary school friends in China!!!:) (i just found one yesterday on msn and we were planning for a elementary school class reunion! omg i love her!)
4. learn how to cook DECENTLY
5. learn how to skateboard?
6. actually read for fun (will this ever happen?)
7. travel to different parts of China. shanghai, tianjing, tibet and hongkong maybe?
8. donate blood
9. help out my mom in her company and maybe get some extra money? haha
10. volunteer opportunities in China r limited, i basically have to get it through networking or organize one with frds...but im really interest in teaching English in Sichuan or anything that can help out the earthquake disaster zone. hm... im not sure how to start it though...i'll keep trying and don't call me a hypocrite if i can't do this one
11. keep a healthy sleeping schedule
12. try all kinds of chinese food and try not to gain weight :(
13. consolidate my chinese speaking and writing skills
14. just relax!!!!!